over the past week i've found myself lacking motivation in the mornings. i don't particularly want to do anything - even to the point of not eating... it's not that i'm particularly bluesy or down (though that happens too); i simply do not feel an urge to so this or that or the other thing. so i end up puttering around the house, half doing things - filling the water filler pitcher and then wandering off before i pour it into the kettle to make tea - beginning to sort laundry or clear off the kitchen table and stopping half way to wash up the dishes (those at least i can usually finish off...until i remember to eat something and make more dishes...).

i think it's because i don't have supper at home anymore. my new work schedule has me working closing shifts at the market so i'm there until at least 8pm most days a week. Geoffrey's home by 6-ish and, since he works 10hr days, i don't expect him to wait for me to eat ('sides which i usually eat while at work). before i started this job, my home life pretty much revolved around food: finding new recipes, getting what we needed from the store, making it in all of its various stages (basic cookery, fermenting, soaking, sprouting, baking) and most importantly, eating and sharing it with my husband. suppers weren't always fabulous (often we were both too tired to talk much), but they were important to me as a time to share with the man i love and rounded out and fulfilled all of the work and time that went into getting the food on the table. and now, since that time to eat together has been removed, the rest of the process doesn't seem as worthwhile. we did go and get a crock pot last week, so i can still have food prepared for my hard working man. but it somehow doesn't have the same appeal... granted i'm still getting used to this new schedule and figuring out how to fit home life around it, so this is likely to smooth out. but it is in a way surprising how much it's affecting me.

perhaps now that i've sat down and thought it out (i'd had inklings as to why this new arrangement was bothering me but hadn't quite worked it out) a bit more effort on my part to get on with the basics will supplement for my lack of motivation... so off with me to the grocery for milk.